cheese

sina gave me teese vegan cheese for christmas. we made a pizza.

its an almost perfect cheese substitute. but i still like nutritional yeast better.

i guess i'm just punk.

this weekend (in order)

veggie burger. mischa. fenno's birthday party, fruitvale. too much whisky. how did i get here? headache. bike tour of chinatown with jerry. candy. felt betrayal. spent time with kitty. i have no friends. hazmat xxxmas party. fire dancing. ran into surprise attendees. i have friends. stork club. cookie. dog under my room. milk movie. amanda, jr, chip. walking in the rain. too much coffee. hope for this world. soyrizo tofu scramble. two poops in 20 minutes. i have good friends. nacho cheese. jewish party.

the avenue

the people at the bar down the street

sit at different tables 

go off campus to smoke

talk about people who are absent

but the alcohol isn't quaffed in seconds in the restroom

i still can't go to school every day

it was the strangest thing; -

actually, i forgot what i was gonna say.

summertime

at least they've gotten better at drawing accurate maps

-1977 

yesterday

i- 

pretended to write.

played street fighter with chip.

played with my cat.

rode a heavy bike to the korean market.

ate potstickers.

watched commercials.

went to a circus skill share at yer hauz.

learned to stick a nail up my nose.

played pool at stork.

went to a party that was over.

felt like i was in modern socal watching what we do is secret.

ate more potstickers.

quality over quantity

i've reached a point in my life where i'd rather bartend shows and parties than actively interact with people. brisk conversations while handing people cans of pbr are just more interesting than the the rest of it these days. 

jibber jabber

thoughts/events of the week:

i've showered more than usual. i was content mostly, but with a strong urge to start a new hardcore band. i went to the ak press anniversary booksale. they had a keg of delicious ipa and amazing snacks. i bought a book i've been meaning to get for only five dollars. i have played pool a lot, and gone to less parties. i downloaded the new b. spears. its alright. my little brother misses me, and he wants a '50s car. hardware stores want us to wheatepaste funny drawings all over the walls of our towns. thanksgiving was my drunk uncle and cousin talking about objectivism and how capitalism might suck, but its the best system we have. then they told me they were actually anarchists. over the wail of leif playing one man black metal in the living room, i wonder if i have any friends at all. i know i do, but i wonder nonetheless. i could go to a kegger show, but i feel more inclined to tape felt black flag logos all around the house. i meant to write about this interesting oakland crime situation we've got going on where it seems the more cops they hire, the more violent offenses go down in the streets. the last time i added 75 bad boys to the team, more people got killed. but oh well.. 

and nicky's yelp review of me:


"bryan is like a dog: easily excited and extremely loyal to his friends and his left-wing values (cos dogs have left-wing values...). and i don't mean easily excited in a stupid, simplistic way, but in more of a Buddhist sense. like, he seems to live life to the fullest by embracing each moment, and seeing him always serves as a reminder to have fun and be present when i'm usually stressed about the future. for all his spontaneity and adventurousness, he still manages to find time to read books on post-structuralist anarchist philosophy, and he's an amazing chef who's as content eating gourmet greens as he is at eating dollar doritos, sometimes. he can finally grow facial hair, and he contains an ungodly amount of charisma and social anxiety, which means he's got all the charm but none of the arrogance. friends can attest to feeling like loners around him, because he appears to "know everybody," but it's a selfless popularity. he's eager to facilitate friendships, strike up dynamic conversations on topics big and small, and be the life of the party for the sake of the party itself. he's very concerned with maintaining a healthy libido, ladies, so you may see him riding his bike with a seat specially designed to liberate the balls from getting squashed. i think he has big balls. big juicy balls. he's a punk-rocker, but hasn't forgotten the importance of chivalry, so you may see him pushing his septum ring up before a visit to his parents, lest his mom see what a defiant creature she raised. you may also see him stalling in the beer aisle, pooping, listening to good clean fun, and masticating. sometimes i wonder how bryan can at once know so much and get shit done yet still be spilling all over the place and seeming to participate in every awesome activity or show there is. i guess its the mystery of being cool, or his lack of sleep. bff!"

don't worry, i wrote a sugar covered one of him first.

"are you kidding me? you should just write about punk rock!"

UC prompt #1:


¶Ever since I can remember, I have been blessed with the affliction of not fitting in. It wasn’t as miserable as it sounds; I was fairly well adjusted, had a motley crew of friends, and held a resilient hope for an even better future. Though perhaps a curse of my generation, video games brought me joy when feeling like a social outcast became too galling. Eventually, with the arrival of middle school came a constructive and creative outlet for the release of both my brewing passions and subtle indignation. I was seduced by the allure of a real, live subculture.
¶It all started with a small concert put on by my school district, showcasing local bands. From that point on, at barely thirteen years of age, I was hypnotized by the energy, passion, acceptance, and camaraderie among this newfound community. Local shows soon gave way to politically charged punk festivals, admiring kids my age engaged in poetry readings, forming new bands, booking our own shows, and cooking with the Santa Ana chapter of Food Not Bombs for my less fortunate neighbors. Through these experiences, I discovered a contagious drive that compelled me to, from then on, try new things, and increasingly apply scrutiny to just about every aspect of the dominant-, as well as sub-culture. It was nothing less than exhilarating to be surrounded by a multitude of ideas and concepts rather than the world of material objects and veiled assumptions that most people know as middle school. I knew already I was one of few teenagers that had the privilege of facing those trying years with this kinship of heterogeneous, yet endlessly supportive peers holding me together.
¶One occasion that forever altered my perspective was a voyage to Northern California to visit a handful of these peers. At the age of 16, I was lucky enough to spend a week with a couple dozen individuals somehow living a life contrary to everything western culture customarily regard as normal. The fact that these people, not much older than I, built their own houses or fixed up those long deserted, discovered various methods of eating for free, and still found time to give back to the community astonished me. They demonstrated for me the incredible capabilities of not only one community, but of all people on earth. The day before I headed back home, I recall riding along the Pacific Coast with one of these friends, Lindsey, each of us on borrowed bikes. The landscape was gorgeous that day, but all I could think about was what I was going to do when I got back home. Knowing the volume of possibilities, a fire had been lit inside me. It was my first encounter with a living and breathing experiment in modes of existence, and from it I began to understand that choice was the crux of human existence.
¶The trip encouraged me not to give up on the general society, but to take an active interest in the endless amount of options emanating from presumed human nature. It compelled me to become involved with the field of sociology to find out not only why certain peoples live and think the way they do, but understand what circumstances brought them to this point. On my return home, I became motivated to witness, and record, this myriad of human potential. From that point on, I knew that the study of human behavior was to be an integral part of my academic, as well as personal life.


UC prompt #2:


¶From a very early age, I have had an extraordinary urge to put myself in uncomfortable situations. It seems as if the more displeasure I gain from an experience, the more inclined I am to participate. One might consider this the result of growing up on the shy side of the fence, nevertheless determined to be the very opposite. I recall putting myself in emotionally and physically compromising positions in grade school, solely to perform my own social experiments with bullies and their victims. I learned a crucial lesson early in life; that most people have more in common than in contrast.
¶In high school, a small group of us became agitated with weekly demonstrations from military recruiters we considered unacceptable propagandists. A little Internet research indicated that under California Education Code, Sections 48907 and 48950, we were legally protected in handing out leaflets antithetical to these recruiters. We set up a folding table right beside theirs and did just that, armed with plenty of photocopied pamphlets critical of their propaganda, as well as forms for students to opt out on giving the military their contact information.
¶Looking back, the only way my timid self got through that informational rivalry was to keep my eyes pointed straight, at my fellow peers, rather than the glares of our adversaries in uniform. Once a week, I would put myself in a very unpleasant situation for the sake of rallying against a force I considered hostile.
¶Paying attention in class was always a chore for me, but somehow I forced myself to succeed. Through those often-difficult teenage years, my compulsion to constantly withdraw from my comfort zone kept me thinking critically and focused on being goal oriented. Soon enough, apprehensively volunteering to speak in class, red faced with sweaty palms, gave way to getting myself involved in rather arduous organizations, and before I knew it, I was organizing benefit shows and starting school clubs like Students for the Abolition of the Society of the Spectacle. This past year, I pushed myself to move to an unfamiliar city where I had but one friend and the outcome has been magnificent. Pushing my own limits helped me get there.
¶I have always found passion in debating, formally and otherwise, particularly when I could play devil’s advocate on the side I was least knowledgeable about. This self-imposed strenuousness was simply how I learned best. To this day, evading contentment for the sole purpose of pushing my own boundaries has done wonders for me, and without this highly beneficial impulse, I would not be the person I am today.

finally turned in and out of mind. my cat has one eye.